October 19, 2024
Let's be real, OK?
Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Woman - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?
Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Woman - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch in your bathrobe, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Woman - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Real Woman - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.
Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Woman - Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.
And finally the most important tip....
Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Real Woman - Leftover wine??
"The one human quality that must be developed is self discipline for success. The will power to force yourself to do what you know you should do when you should do it, whether you like it or not, whether you feel like it or not. Success is tons of discipline." --Brian Tracy
From the archives:
"Historic day for gay couples. As of today, same-sex couples may now legally get married in Vermont. Finally, after years of waiting we'll get to hear these words out of Vermont: 'I now pronounce you, Ben and Jerry.'" -Conan O'Brien
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference."